TRANSCENDENCE

i want to be a fashion model on a mediterranean shoot

i want sea breezes and a size 1 in something leather

gigantic black sunglasses that hide my roving eye

and hairdressers standing by when a curl misbehaves

in a way that shows everyone i just don't care

i want champagne at the casino sent to me

by green bond moguls yearning to feel my soft secret

but worried i'm too nihilistic to give it up

i want to be so self-full that it shapes the world around me

and be on rhinestone t-shirts for being the one

everyone believes can manifest their reality

i want emerald tortoise earrings from a limited collection

and use of someone's ferrari if i so choose

i want time to be the one who avoids the studied and noble path

and be interviewed and granted honorary degrees because i did

i want jet lag from private jets and the occasional weekend

with an artistic couple in the algarve who like threesomes

i want parties with inner parties and favorite escapes on-call

and access to the latest that anything has to offer

i want to walk nanjing road beneath a skyscraper sized

billboard flashing stock shots of me and not even notice

then lounge on a beach somewhere remote and expensive

and be comped the whole thing just so they can say I was there

i want six-hand massages and a tiny tattoo

only the most daring and privileged will ever find

i want passion without being unrealistic

and so much love here and there to make me feel

what a momentary, conditional thing it needs to be

i want living in the moment to reflect all the meaning there is

and ever can be, immersion as distraction from this world

enjoying it for what it is instead of what others yearn for it to be

this place without actual meaning or deeper value

i want not to be bothered by anything like everyone else is

not tortured by chasing phantoms of heart and ideals

i want to relish my acceptance

of how pointless everything turns out to be
in this place of deluded make-believe

and when the day comes

when no one wants to take a picture of me

i want not to want anymore

i will hide myself away in an exclusive enclave

custom built for me and my temperamental peterbald

contemplate nothing, enjoy obscurity

and relax away from the nothingness

that society, this world

 always was and will be

i will be neither content nor regretting

having lived a life of

actual transcendence